Harnessing Ambition

I’ve had it before, I can remember the feeling, but for the life of me I can’t figure out how to get ambition back into my life.

What happened in my life that made me get up at 6am to work out in Toccoa? or to go to the gym after teaching all day in Korea? Why can I not get my tail out to the track and run for 30 minutes? I need to harness the same ambition I used to have.

I am 3/8 finished with school, next week is “midterms” and every class has something huge due. And I cannot get my head in the game. I remember the zone, I had the zone even just this past summer…but I can’t seem to make all the elements in my life line up so I can work efficiently, creatively, and with inspiration. There must be a pill available.

Today is a beautiful start-of-fall day. So I went outside with my computer and books. But the reflection of the sun was too bright off my screen, the cat wanted to crawl all over me, the pig hungrily was grunting and staring at me. I fought it for about 30 minutes and came inside. Maybe I’ll go back out when I just have to read a textbook.

I went to the kitchen table, so big and inviting to spread out on. I wrote one paragraph and got a low battery warning.

I went back to my bedroom, back to my desk. I plugged it back into my speakers, mouse, external hard-drive, power cord, and ipod, all the cords that make owning a laptop deceivingly un-mobile. I opened my windows and turned on the fan in hopes that listening to the birds chirping more clearly and a light breeze will drown out the white bedroom wall in front of me and will harness the inspiration I so desperately need to write my grammar paper.

I’ve turned on the classical music and I’m drinking the Timmy’s coffee my sweet Trevor sent me. These factors have inspired me to clean my room. The complete feeling only a clean room can give inspired me to sit back at my computer and write on a blog I have not posted in for over three months. After this, I will write about the lexical bundles used in academic prose, really.